This is not my ceiling
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you never un-have a 4some
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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