New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
