just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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