the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
