oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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