she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My ass is underappreciated
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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