My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize