I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
