Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
