guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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