Are we in a gay sports bar?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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