flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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