Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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