um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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