I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
