she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
