oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
