and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
