I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The air was thick with penises
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My dick has a subreddit
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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