Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
