HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
