I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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