Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hate all girls vehemently.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
His hands were made for my vagina.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
