He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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