im about as happy as oj after his trial
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize