You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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