u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
