like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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