He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
