HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
