What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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