You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
