3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
