That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My feet surprised me
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