My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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