she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
