this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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