Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
