he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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