I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
