Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you win again, gameday.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
