OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
