so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got inside last night via doggy door
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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