Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
wow bdsm is so cute
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