Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
