Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
