dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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