Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
