I think I died a long time ago.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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