We won't sleep together?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
