I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
