I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
