my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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