hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
