Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize