Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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