Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
