I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
