Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
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