She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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