she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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