What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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