I faked an abortion last night.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
