I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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