I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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