Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
