I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
