Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
