I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
