I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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