just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
