hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
