you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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